Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I'm Awesome.

I think those two words cover it ;)

A little background for you as to why I'm awesome? Alrighty - here she goes...

So it started off with my coach, DK, sending me a link to Kristina Groves' blog. It's a letter that she wrote on her blog to Sidney Crosby regarding concussions - and in my opinion, it sums up my situation quite nicely. I really appreciated her take on everything - so much so that I teared up while reading it. I have found the last few months to be incredibly frustrating and there was some solace in reading that I am not alone.

So just prior to DK sending me this link, I too, suffered a bit of a setback in my recovery. I guess I just pushed too hard and my body said "ah ah ah - you are not ready". Now I feel like I did back at the beginning - to sum it up in one word: FRUSTRATING. I was experiencing all sorts of emotions and felt that more than anything I needed a change of scenery...so I booked a flight to Calgary to see my family (Becca, my sister, just bought a new house - so it was an excuse to go see it) and friends.

On my first day in Calgary, I went to the local Starbucks to meet up with a friend. No more than 10 minutes after we sat down, Kristina Groves walked into the same Starbucks! Now, this isn't as coincidental as you might think, given that my Mum lives a whopping 5km from the Olympic Oval where the National team speed skaters train - but I was surprised. In my head I had wanted to tell her how much her blog entry had touched me - and now, the very woman was standing in the same Starbucks. So I should go tell her, right?

Well in hindsight (with the help of the awkward conversation that ensued when I did talk to her), perhaps I could have approached the situation a little differently. But as it was such a disjointed conversation - it now (now that I am over the embarrassment) makes for a good story...

So yes, that is why I am awesome. Think before you act...or at least speak!

But the message stays the same - and for those of you who have read her blog - my brush with her is somewhat analogous to her brush with Sidney. Cute, right? Oh man, I sure hope so! It has helped me to see that other athletes are going through the difficulties and frustrating times that I am. My good friend MJ warned me when it first happened that I would "feel like I'm making things up, but you're not" and I have had to hold onto those words on a couple of occasions to help me keep my sanity!

So where do I go from here? What is next? The answer is a resounding "I DON'T KNOW". I have no idea on the timeline. I'm desperate to ride my bike and feel good, to push myself and feel fit, and of course to race. But I need to recruit all my patience because I'm dealing with my brain and I won't do myself any favours if I come back too soon.

Therefore, please excuse me if my entries are few and far between these days, as I don't have much to report on. But as soon as my body cooperates, I will be back out there soaking in the rays and making the legs burn. And hey, I've been in Ottawa long enough now that I should really give the cyclocross season a go!


Anonymous said...

Life is a lot about patience and endurance and insecurities. It sucks to not know what will happen next if one is at a certain point in life.

Training for the Olymqiques. having to win are tremendous pressures which can lead to a burn out syndrome.
Therefore take it slowly and do not care what "other people" are doing.

I red that you are back in Calgary. It is sometimes the best thing to go back home to recuperate-talk to Mum and Dad for a while. Maybe they are decent parents and they can make some sense regarding of what to do next.

Maintain the "I am awesome" attitude. There are millions of athletes who have to come back to the game and perform. Maybe you know a few of them.

I wish you luck and patience!!


Jenny said...

Thank you for such a well worded response. It definitely is tough and words of encouragement are always appreciated.
Reading your words have brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you. :)